So I'm reading a book. Its the second part in a series that Briana got me reading. So I'm reading this book today and I just spent about 10mins laughing out loud and thought that I'd share. There is some language in it but not much. The book is called Voyager and its written by Diana Gabaldon. I think theres no need to really worry about the story line just now. It is set in the late 1700's though.

'Several torches were lit, bound to stakes pounded into the sand, and the flames streaked seaward in tails of red and orange, bright against the black velvet night. The brilliant stars of the Caribbean shone overhead like the lights of heaven. While it was not a church, few brides had had a more beautiful setting for their nuptials...

The spicy scent of sangria wafted from Father Fogden's vicinity, but at least he had reached the beach under his own power. He stood swaying between two torches, laboriously trying to turn the pages of his book as the light offshore wind jerked them fluttering from his fingers.

At last he gave up, and dropped the book on the sand with a little plop!   

"Um," he said, and belched. He looked about and gave us a small, saintlike smile. "Dearly beloved of God."

It was several moments before the throng of shuffling, murmuring spectators realized that the ceremony had started, and began to poke each other and straighten to attention.  

"Wilt thou take this woman?" Father Fogden demanded, suddenly rounding ferociously on Murphy.   

 "No!" said the cook, startled. "I don't hold wi' women. Messy things."                    

"You don't?" Father Fogden closed on eye, the remaining orb bright and accusing. He looked at Maitland. "Do you  take this woman?"

"Not me sir, no. Not that anyone wouldn't be pleased," he added hastily. "Him, please." Maitland pointed at Fergus, who stood next to the cabin boy, glowering at the priest.

"Him? You're sure? He hasn't a hand," Father Fogden said doubtfully. "Won't she mind?"

"I will not!" Marsali imperious... She looked lovely...She also looked angry...

"Oh, yes," he [Father Fogden] said nervously, taking one step back. "Well, I don't suppose its an impt--impeddy--impediment, after all. Not as though he'd lost his cock, I mean. He hasn't has he?" The Priest inquired anxiously, as the possibility occured to him. "I can't marry you if he has. It's not allowed."

Jamie quelled the incipient riot by striding firmly into the middle of the wedding and placing a hand on the shoulders of Fergus and Marsali.

"This man," he said, with a nod toward Fergus, "and this woman," with another toward Marsali "Marry them Father. Now. Please," he added as an obvious afterthought...

"Oh quite. Quite," Father Fogden repeated, swaying gently. "Quite, quite." A long pause followed during which the priest squinted at Marsali.

"Name," he said abrubtly. "I have to have a name. Can't get married without a name. Just like a cock. Can't get married without a name, can't get married without a c--"

"Marsali Jane MacKimmie Joyce!" Marsali spoke up loudly, drowning him out.

"Yes, yes," he said hurriedly. "Of course it is. Marsali. Mar-sa-lee. Just so. Well, then, do you Mar-sa-lee like this man--even though he's missing a hand and possibly other parts not visible--to be your lawful husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, forsaking..." As this point he trailed off, his attention fixed on one of the sheep that had wandered into the light and was chewing industriously on a discarded stocking of striped wool.

"I do!"

Father Fogden blinked, brought back to attention. He made an unsuccessful attempt to stifle another belch, and transferred his bright blue gaze to Fergus.

"You have a name too? And a cock?"

"Yes," said Fergus, wisely choosing not to be more specfic. "Fergus."...

"Oh! Um. Well. Man and Wife. Yes, I pronounce you man--no, that's not right, you haven't said whether you'd take her. She has both hands," he added helpfully.'